Since I came here to the Netherlands I found myself immediately wrapped in a bunch of problems that were not mine. It just came to me with some expectation that I am now in on it and should also deal with it and help. One year later I feel more and more that all this is wrong. I am being treated badly and as a second hand person but have no power to do anything about it. So I decided to pull out, to only have limited contact to people that I might get along with and focus on the good things I actually have here. The easiest thing to do when you get attacked is to start defending yourself, trying to explain your side but what I have been thinking lately, is it worth it? People should not treat you bad from the first place so why act like you have a part of it and go in to a dialogue then? Explaining and going in to discussions when both parts know who did wrong and who just happened to be there just makes you feel like you did something wrong. Since my decision I feel much better and I can focus on friends and school more.
I guess what I want to say with this post is that just because you think some people should be close to you due to family ties or social constructions it does not mean you have to put up with anything to get there and compromise yourself to a point where you do not recognize yourself. In the end you have the choice to just stay silent and manage your life.
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