ThirdCountryisTheCharm

What did I do at 07:45 this morning?

2011-01-10T11:56:00.000+01:00

Was I sleeping?
Still up and refuse to let the party end?
Reading a book since I coldn't sleep because of my retarded neighbors?

No....

I was swimming
Yep, I got up early, took my bike while it still being dark and went swimming
This might not be a weird or a big thing for others but for me I might as well looose my mind!

Im going on Wendsday again btw......

Im waking you up to check if you are sleeping?

2011-01-09T10:23:00.000+01:00

I hate the fact that I can't sleep alone anymore. Not in my bed here at least, at other places it's okay but this bed is just made for two people and two people only.
After reading colonial history I finally feel asleep (how very weird?!) and then dreamt about missing all my exams. Somewhere around 04.00 my boyfriend came home from being in town with this very considered idea on his mind. The conversation went something like this:

Boyfriend: Hey baby, wake up, wake up?
Me: What?! Why?
Boyfriend: Im waking you up now so you don't get scared when I lay down in bed now
Me: Uhum......., okay, did you have fun?
Boyfriend: Yeah! I saw this girl dancing really good on a pole!
Me: I am so very happy for you.....
Boyfriend: Goodnight honey
Me: Goodnight!

In his defense: He said she didn't look that good!

Good Feeling

2011-01-08T23:01:00.000+01:00

I must say this year started off really well! A lot a things that were hanging loose or in some ways lacking are coming together. I feel like I can finally relax and open up more and more. I simply stopped caring about the injustices done in the beginning and now I count only on myself and my closest around me so I can't get disappointed either in case something goes wrong.

Some months ago I signed up for this very social and travelling fraternity here in Groningen. To be honest I didn't think much about it and didn't really bother to read all the emails they were sending out either. Sure they were in Dutch but with a small effort I can read them but never got to it. I have also been invited to go out, meet up with people countless time but as mentioned before, never got to it. Something was holding me back! While being in Sweden, relaxing and reloading something changed in me, I became my old self and its very weird how fast a change can occur. When returning from Sweden everything just fell in place, social life, studying, feelings about my relationship and myself! Everything! Guess all I want to say is that it feels damn good to be back on track again!

In order to survive the exam period

2011-01-08T22:31:00.000+01:00

Since my biggest thrill of the day is to walk 500 meters to the local food store and buy breakfest right now I thought I would help myself to hold on and remind myself of all the fun trips I have coming my way! I study 10 hours a day and nothing else which makes me a very very boring person with hardly any contact with the outside world.

I just booked my trip to Sweden and my hometown Norrkoping again. Thought it would be nice to squeeze in some more family time before the school starts!

While being "happy" on New Year's I bumped in to two girls from the same fraternity as me and they told me we could take a cheap flight to Dublin, Ireland in February. Said and done, I bought a ticket two days ago!

And finally (planned for now) I'm going with my boyfriend to Hungary, Budapest to visit some friends of his!

Ohh, now it feels so much better returning to my reading about the French-Indian War during the colonial time in America. Dear God I have never cared less about anything but this post will at least allow me to get pass it without falling asleep!

Vaccation was too short

2011-01-02T15:19:00.000+01:00

New Year was great and spent with friends and much olie bollen! My exams are coming up soon and I feel that I did not have enough time at all to rest!

The answer to my problem?

Play Final Fantasy 9 all day long!!!

Some personal things

2010-12-29T23:08:00.000+01:00

While being in Sweden I experienced some kind of personal crisis regarding my relationship. It has been in the back of my head for quite some time, gnawing on me and making me feel horribly guilty every time it would come up to the surface. Because there is nothing wrong with my boyfriend, I felt there was something wrong with me. Why can’t I be happy when everything goes well? Most people would die for a relationship like mine and still there was something missing. Since I keep ignoring this for such a long time it caused me to eventually feel very bad. I had days where I felt like my life was over, nothing fun would ever happen again, I was old, fat and boring, a shadow of my previous self. As I write this now I realize how horrible it sounds but I really did feel like that, in combination with some other things going on all I wanted to do was to go home. I felt loved by my boyfriend but not liked by the people close to him and while being in Sweden I realized I need to figure this out.

When sitting on the toilet seat, watching my mom sort the laundry I finally just said what I felt so guilty about. I felt trapped in my relationship and it was all moving very, very fast and it was all so serious. I would never want to end it but I could not go on like this. So in order for me to go back to normal I need more time for myself, need to travel by myself sometimes and focus on my activities. This sounds silly but somewhere on the way, with the move, school and everything else I don’t even read book for pleasure anymore. This used to be my biggest escape time, my biggest personal enjoyment (well I’m not that much of a grandma but I don’t want to mention cool stuff like party and naughty things atm), and I managed to lose that too. I need to take a step back before I freak out and get really scared. I don’t need a spiritual journey like that stupid book “Eat, Pray, Love” that makes me angry every time I hear about it! Like that’s what’s recommended for all the frustrated women in the world? Who the heck has the money to go and do that?! Middle aged women, that struggle with kids, a marriage down the drain the last 10 years, unhappy with their work should just break down on the floor, take their kids savings and just go out and see the world! Oh yes, the writer doesn’t have children so she can do that but – I still recommend all women to read and learn from this book, Oprah says, a multimillionaire TV mogul WITHOUT CHILDREN!!! And the guy she meets is 18 years older, 18 years!!! Some shrunken resin that thinks he is all exotic, ahhh it drives me crazy, this crap.

But back to my subject, I just need to refocus that is all and I think in the end things will be just fine.

I am back

2010-12-29T23:05:00.000+01:00

I have been away from some weeks due to heavy work load in school and a two week trip to Sweden. The time in Sweden was exactly what I needed to regain some strength or to “Fill up my batteries “as my mom would say. I did nothing for two weeks and I plan not to do so until somewhere in the evening after New Year’s Eve.

I feel like I will start next year as an improved version of myself and more suited for a life here in The Netherlands since I know more about what could disturb it. After 1, 5 years here I have learned how to make myself happy and what to avoid. I am boring I know, but this is all for now.

Hate speech of the day!

2010-12-01T23:06:00.000+01:00

In times like this when I am expected to squeeze out more than 3500 words by Monday next week I have to focus on the good things. One thing that is keeping me up is that I am leaving for Sweden in 12 days and finally get to see my family. This semester I have really been attending all classes religiously and hardly been away. Unfortunately I have to be back before New Year because of all the exams in January so not that much of a vacation.

Another thing that really got me excited even though it is too uncertain is the possibility of an exchange with Canada next year. My study provides mostly exchange to the US but I just don’t have that much of a desire to go there since I feel that you pay much more than you get. Another thing in Canada that is great is that I have many relatives I maybe could stay at so we will see after next week when I have more info about all this.

My general mood is a bit conflicting, I feel quite done with all the school stuff and found myself quite annoyed at people in Sweden with huge blogs. The blog culture in Sweden is huge, much bigger than anywhere else I have seen and is dominated by girls writing about fashion and posting retouched pics of them. What annoys me so much is that I work my ass of here trying to finish my courses while some people are graduating in the Paris Hilton School of how to become famous and earn money for nothing. One of them even stated that “Journalist program on University level is a joke in Sweden” yesterday. I want to earn money like that too, I mean to have a scene or audience and do something with it! Sounds cliché I know, but still I don’t get how you can use attention you get to….publish nice pictures of yourself and your latest outfit? The fact that they sometimes call it “Outfitta” thinking it is fun since the word “fitta” means pussy in Sweden is beyond my understanding! It is not fun people, it is stupid!

Budapest

2010-11-25T22:45:00.000+01:00

I have been travelling much in my long and mysterious life, as a result of this exciting life, people often come up to me and ask how it feels to be so vise and at the same time good looking?

I may have travelled much but I really haven't been much in Eastern Europe, which is a shame because I have this picture in my head that it is really beautiful. My boyfriend happens to have some friends living in Budapest and after some conversations with them we ended up deciding that we will visit them sometime after New Year. It feels really good to finally travel again, I hate the mechanical rhythm of the everyday life and haven't been able to travel anywhere since summer except to Sweden! These people living in Budapest also seem like the nicest, warm and social people I have ever talked to so I think it can't be anything else but fun!

This is what I am keeping myself on to, the travelling.....because higher powers help us all the snow has now reached Holland also.

Reading International Organisations, Reading International Organisations, Reading Int......replanting my kaktus, replanting my kaktus....wtf just happened?

2010-11-24T20:30:00.001+01:00

The result of my studying today!

Random Random Random

2010-11-22T22:10:00.001+01:00

What a long day today, it lasted forever! I got up at 6 am and went to bed last night around 1, way to little sleep. Anyways, had a presentation today that for some reason caused me much stress, it was like everything I ever been stressed over these past month culminated in to that presentation today. When it was over I could just feel everything washing of me and I feel so much lighter now!

Since I am going to Sweden in less than three weeks I would like to have a big party before New Year! New Year’s Eve is usually very overrated since everyone feels some kind of pressure because you are supposed to have fun and have a great evening! So just want to take that pressure away and have a nice party before. The only thing is that it is quite difficult to find dates that fits everyone and I hate that. I want everyone to come on the same evening
Not a very useful post but some days there is not much to say so I call it a night!

Facebook is not evil - we are just stupid

2010-11-19T22:46:00.000+01:00

- Facebook can just take your pictures and use them for advertisement for dildos or porn sites
- Perverts will use your kids pictures
- Your future boss will Google your ass and find all your drunken party pictures over the years

Since all of this is true it must mean that Facebook is evil and should be banned to exist! We have no responsibility over what we put up on the Internet and how that might affect us and our environment!

This reasoning is just so retarded I get annoyed every time I hear it! Why put up lingerie pictures that can be misused? You want the attention but can’t imagine the consequences? And then we have all the parents, selling their kids online basically, thousands of pictures, some completely naked of the child all over the place. Wonder if they think what their children will think when they grow up and see that they have been on Facebook longer than they can remember? And why on earth do you put up pictures that you think might cause you problems in the future? Everyone blames Facebook that is big enough to not follow the rules and at the same time everybody makes it possible for Facebook to break the rules since people just keep uploading information all the time. Just because something sucks and breaks the rules it does not mean you should aid it by supporting its agenda. All bad things on the Internet would disappear if we just could boycott it and find better things to do with our time.

People are in general funny when complaining about these huge often American cooperation’s. Almost everyone agrees that companies like McDonald’s are bad for the environment and the animals but they still go and eat there. Same with Facebook, it’s so horrible and it’s making us in to their own electronic bitches and still we log on every day! Personally I couldn’t care less since I don’t put up things I don’t want people to see. I also see Facebook as a social network where I can keep in touch with people all over the world; I just choose not to put on my drunken and lingerie pictures.

Everyday life without magnificant substance

2010-11-18T21:51:00.000+01:00

This semester has been very weird for me, it’s almost over and I feel like I never even got connected to anything. Courses, friends and life went by my but I didn’t react much on it. The only thing that gets my very stressed is the workload in school, there seems to be something huge grade deciding coming along all the time. I cannot wait for this to be over since the courses this year in American Studies have been horrible boring. Seriously, if someone asks me to write one more essay I will lose it. In other trivial news about my everyday life, in less than a month I am going back to see my family in Sweden and spend the Christmas holiday there. Being close to your family is almost like a curse when you are far away because the more you talk the more you miss them. I really miss just hanging around them and talking.

Anyways, yesterday a friend from school sent me a very funny video that I just have to share here, because of course half of the world is reading my blog so I am sure it will give you profound joy seeing this!

Enjoy......Turtle and Cat

Bajram serif mubarek olsun! - Easily translated to - Happy Bajram!

2010-11-16T10:33:00.000+01:00

Today is the Islamic holiday Eid or like we say in Bosnian, Bajram. It means that I got gifts from my boyfriend this morning but it also means a few other things, you know linked to religion. In short we celebrate it in order to commemorate the willingness of Abraham or like spelled and said in Islam Ibrahim to sacrifice his son Ishmael (Isma'il) as an act of obedience to God or as you all know from the media right now Allah. For this holiday meat from different animals (not the pig, Haha) is divided into three parts to be distributed to others. The family retains one third of the share, another third is given to relatives, friends and neighbors, and the other third is given to the poor & needy. Now, Muslims in the western world and other parts of the world do not go out and slaughter farmers sheep’s and cows for this holiday, instead we give money to charity or to someone we know is in need. For the rest we spend time with our family and our close friends during this day.

Here comes the part where I feel completely left out and lonely, imagine being alone on Christmas? This is how it feels for me here in the Netherlands since my family is back in Sweden all hanging out together. I can sometimes get really annoyed that people expect me to celebrate Christmas with them, which I don’t mind but shouldn’t my holidays be respected and known about then or is that too much to ask? I’m not talking about people at school knowing or people in general just the ones that invite me for Christmas every year, I feel a bit sad and left out twice a year when my holidays which I have celebrated all my life seems to not matter at all, not even at a personal level when concerning me.

Important message

2010-11-14T21:26:00.000+01:00

Btw: Writing in two languages as I promised? Not going to happen, I remembered that my computer with my Swedish keyboard died and went to Narnia and that's why I bought a new one in first place! And writing Swedish without proper Swedish letters is like eating Swedish meatballs without some kind of berry jam, it is just not possible and feels retarded!

And in this short post I managed to make amends with the Swedish language by writing the word Swedish a lot!

Sunday - Article reading and dinner

2010-11-14T19:23:00.000+01:00

What to do on a horrible boring Sunday in the Netherlands? All the stores a closed here and every Sunday I think - I could get a prostitute now if I wanted to but I cannot get milk to mix with my chocolate (I don't drink coffee) and it's just so ironic.

Anyways, after reading a bit of history for my minor and some articles for my major I decided to make some meatloaf. Now, I really don't consider myself a good cook or an extraordinary one but the mix with gorgonzola and mozzarella cheese as filling in the meat turned out quite nice! As a result this picture was produced in order to symbolize how nice the dinner was. Picture of the meatloaf we will leave out because it bursted on the top and cheese dripped out (still tasty!!) and could have been less aesthetically challenged.

When being treated bad, silence is sometimes the best defense

2010-11-13T10:55:00.001+01:00

Since I came here to the Netherlands I found myself immediately wrapped in a bunch of problems that were not mine. It just came to me with some expectation that I am now in on it and should also deal with it and help. One year later I feel more and more that all this is wrong. I am being treated badly and as a second hand person but have no power to do anything about it. So I decided to pull out, to only have limited contact to people that I might get along with and focus on the good things I actually have here. The easiest thing to do when you get attacked is to start defending yourself, trying to explain your side but what I have been thinking lately, is it worth it? People should not treat you bad from the first place so why act like you have a part of it and go in to a dialogue then? Explaining and going in to discussions when both parts know who did wrong and who just happened to be there just makes you feel like you did something wrong. Since my decision I feel much better and I can focus on friends and school more.

I guess what I want to say with this post is that just because you think some people should be close to you due to family ties or social constructions it does not mean you have to put up with anything to get there and compromise yourself to a point where you do not recognize yourself. In the end you have the choice to just stay silent and manage your life.

Social conduct while biking?

2010-11-11T19:37:00.000+01:00

The Netherlands managed to combine the two worse weathers today: heavy wind and heavy rain - increasing suspiciously while I am on the bike. Had six hours of class on three different locations and not enough time to go home in between. The annoying thing is that on a long day like this it is more than frustrating when none of the classes actually lasts the time they were supposed to. I could have basically stayed at home and not attend any of them!

Weird thing that happened today: I was biking from one class to another, minding my own business (trying to get my IPod out without falling) when a guy biked up to me and smiled at me. Polite and well raised as I am - I smile back. This guy continues biking next time me, smiling and looking at me, blinking, you know, being general weird acting in the rain on a bike. After some while I had almost reached my destination when he biked away and said - Bye, bye!

Pride of the Small Towns

2010-11-10T15:33:00.000+01:00

Every now and then you hear some Swedish celebrity or blogger (this probably occurs in other countries to but last time I heard it was from Sweden) go out and issue an apology for writing or saying something with negative connotation about their hometown. Usually it's a very small or middle sized town somewhere in Sweden and the people that live there always trash it and promise to higher powers that as soon as they graduate they will move to Stockholm or London.
Why do Swedish celebrities say they are sorry for trashing the same small town they come from then?
Well the answer is that as soon as someone that moved away from their hometown and writes something negative about it hell breaks loose. The local population still being stuck there goes on some kind of rampage spamming the comment function under the newspaper article where this great insulting quote was published or attacking the person on their blog. I have seriously seen people call celebrities traitors, not being proud of their heritage, sluts and that they are not taking the opportunity to promote their town?!

I really cannot understand this local nationalism that stirs up, I mean, do we all have to love our birth towns? I come from a middle-sized city and Sweden, I don't love it but I don't hate it either so always writing positive about it would just feel weird. What about if you really hate the town you are born in, it happens to be the worse time of your life and you are happy to be out of there? Local nationalism just seems so small minded to me and also proves that people want to move away from there themselves. You never hear somebody go insane if you say Stockholm or Gothenburg sucks, people just don't care because they are happy living there in the first place.

Going to War with Assignments and Coming out as a Winner!

2010-11-10T15:09:00.000+01:00

Every time I finish a couple of school assignments I start acting like I just won a war or something similar. I tell everybody how I hardly slept after writing all night, how I am dying now but still managed to drag myself to school in order to come to class and so on. The worst part of all this is that after I have turned everything in I come home and start cutting myself some major slack, like - Oh now I can party for the rest of the semester and not look at any books until May next year! The sad fact is that I maybe worked hard for a week after almost slacking since September.... but hey, that's student life! Complain much but do every little and end up with giving yourself major credit!

New Blog/Ny blogg

2010-11-09T15:52:00.000+01:00

I got really tired of my old blog because it looked both ugly and the name was silly so I have created this one now. My goal is to give you some updates on how life in my now third country of living is but also general reflections about everything. I intend to write in both english and swedish but we will see if I can keep that up in the long run.

Hope you will follow me!

Har trottnat pa min gamla blogg som bade sag ful ut och hade ett tontigt namn sa jag skapade den har. Mitt mal ar att skriva om livet och att nu bo i mitt tredje land, kommer aven skriva om allt och ingenting. Tror att jag kommer fortsatta skriva pa bade svenska och engelska men vi far se hur lange jag orkar med det!

Hoppas ni foljer mig!